It is January again. My 52nd or 53rd, I stopped counting. The year gone by was the worst I have had so far. I lost my Mother. Mom was the center around which my planet orbited. I think all my siblings felt much the same, and the loss of our collective gravitational center has effected us all greatly. We don't see each other nearly as much as we did before. Most of our meetings in the last few years were at Mom's, but now I don't go there much. Dad and I never have had very much to discuss, and a few minutes together has us both looking at TV or looking for an excuse to find something else to do.
Sometimes I feel I should make more effort to have a relationship with him, but then I think that it was on him to develop a relationship with me in the last 50 some years. Until I got in trouble or joined the Army he was just the guy that came home late from the office, stayed in the bathroom for hours with a book and drove the car when we went somewhere and then he would drive us there and read a book while the rest of did what ever we had gone there to do.
Now a large screen TV has replaced his books, but the distance is still the same.
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There's not a day goes by I don't think about her. Today my thoughts were wondering if she got to say goodbye to Dad before she left. I was outside, puttering around while Lew and Sandra helped her into Dad's wheelchair and brought her out of the house. I picked some of her nasturtiums and used a long blade of grass to tie them into a little bundle an put it on the dashboard for her - those flowers were on my dashboard for the next several weeks, and now I have them in a jar upstairs with some of those sweetpeas I put on her grave and some other flowers from Mom's last summer. I miss her so much, I started crying again as I was writing this.
Anyway, what I was trying to write is that as much as we kids miss her, imagine what it must be like for the guy who loved her for over sixty years, long before any of us ever came along... They shared a lifetime together, and now all he has left of her is memories... and us.
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